Another night abandoned. This happens quite often lately. The wrong dreams about the wrong person. Or maybe they aren’t that wrong but I just can’t see through what I actually want to tell myself. Or I do see what this is all about but just can’t accept. Well, I know her for 5 years and we broke up 2 years ago. Still it seems like I’m not able to cope with it in any healthy way. Thinking about it, “knowing her” might not be the right words to put it. This is stupid. Exhausting.

Just because I know better doesn’t mean I’m able to do it any different, to feel any better. Just because I know this is dreaming doesn’t make me recognize it as futile as it is. Just because someone wants to tell me how I am, why I’m that way and that everything is a whole lot different anyway, doesn’t mean I don’t know better.

..well, I survived without greater damage. Who would have thought. Meeting some of the old ‘friends’ isn’t too easy sometimes. But as one once said: Alcohol is not the best solution, but the only one.